Thursday, April 23, 2009

Feeling Blue...

Hi there!! I debated on posting this today for the fear of sounding like a broken record. But then I decided, that I need to just keep things real on this blog and be myself. And pray that you all love me just the same!! LOL!! Lately, I am not feeling it. I know that the other day I posted about how I just don't feel like there is enough time in the day, etc. And how whenever I am at work, I worry about home and vice versus. Well, it's not getting any better!! It is so bad that I called into work sick today just so I could try to gather my composure. I am sure some of my mood today is PMS but I just can't shake this feeling of inadequatecy.


I am not sure if mentioned it or not but I work for a Bank...a VERY large bank. Which, in turns means a VERY political Bank. One that at the moment is VERY stressful to work for. Well, a few months back our "big" boss was let go due to "cut backs" and let's just say he was our security blanket. He was in charge of several different sites throughout the country (probably managed well over 400 associates) and with him being based out of our site, somehow made us feel 'safe'. If there is such a thing...


Well, now with him being gone. They have placed somebody new over our department. And from what all of our bosses have said....that security blanket is now gone. Supposedly, she is really busting our managers chops over EVERYTHING!!! Rumor has it, she was placed over us to start 'weeding' people out. So the pressure is REALLY on!! And as the saying goes, it rolls downhill. So, guess it is really getting it!?!?! YEP!! Starting next week, we have to help get another department get "caught up" and meeting their goals. All the while, not meeting ours. But their solution is coming in on the weekends!! Are you freakin' kidding me!?!?!? I am there 10 hours a day M-F the way it is. And my weekends are even more hectic then my week days with grocery shopping, errands, catching up housework, etc. the way it is. Not only that, but what about my FAMILY!?!?!?!? But since we were pretty much told...do it or find another job. And like that is really going to happen with the economy the was it is...what choice do I have...really!?!?! UGGHHHH!!! Only if I could quit!!!!!!!!

So, on top of all of this pressure of work and the fear of losing jobs. I have the everyday pressures of being a working Mom of two teens and trying to stay on top of homework, housework, running errands, etc. And at the same time "Miss Priss" is supposed to be going to college this coming Fall. Well, months ago when all was fine and there was no fear of losing my job we promised her she could go to an University about an hour away and live in the dorm. But now, "Big Daddy" and I are considering just sending her to the local community college to get her generals out of the way and then letting her transferring (hopefully the economy will be MUCH better by then). But as we tried to talk to her about this last night, she got upset...VERY upset. So, one again I feel like a failure!!


Let's see...so far I am feeling like a failure at work and as a Mother. Now what...oh yeah, did I mention my house is a mess!?!? So, add housekeeper to that list!!


I know I am just being a whinny baby. And you all maybe thinking if I am so worried about my job, why did I call in?!?!? Or if the house is a mess, why am I blogging!?!?! I know me too...I can't explain it. All I know is I needed a "ME" day so bad!! And blogging, totally relaxes me. Helps me escape for 5 mins and totally unwind. Until, I get off the computer and reality hits me in the face. All I do know is that I am at a real crossroads. I have all of these hats to wear....an employee, a Mom, a wife, etc. And I feel like I am just barely scooting by lately at all of them.


I do feel a little bit better. "Big Daddy" came home for lunch. Something he never does...I think he is worried. I am not normally like this. Normally, I am the Queen of list and organization. So, for me to feel this overwhelemed with work and home...he knows something is up!! Anyway, while he was here we talked. And he told me not to think about everything all at the same time. To "baby step" thru it. To just take it as it is thrown at me. But when you feel that it is all being thrown at you at the same time...how do you manage all of it!?!?!?

8 comments:

Carrie said...

I know exactly how you feel up until last year I worked as a social worker with victims of Domestic violence for seven years and it really started taking it toll on me I really felt like I was giving every piece of me too that job and the clients that there was nothing else to give at home. Hang in there if you need to talk feel free to email me.

brinoah@yahoo.com

Lisa said...

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so overwhelmed. I get that way too especially when I am PMSing and it is rainy and cloudy out. Good thing it is sunny today and beautiful. I am not sure I could take many more dreary days. Hang in there... hope things get better and easier for you.

Prayers,
Lisa

April said...

Carrie~
Sure wish I had the exact words to make you feel better instantly. Unfortunately, I just think it's one of those situations that you have to walk through and find your own way. At the same time, please know that you're surrounded by those of us who care a lot about you and will be here for you every step of the way. I'll be keeping you in close in my prayers!

Wendy said...

Carrie you poor girl!!(((HUGS))) Just know we are here for you whenever you want to vent, thats what blogging is all about! You need to just trust God to know the right things to do for you and your family!! Remember God is always with you so give it to HIM!!! God Bless my friend!~Wendy

Old Glory Soldiers said...

Carrie,

It is a bad time for a lot of businesses and people right now. It has to be a tough situation you are faced with that you feel stretched thin, concerned that you can't stretch further, but that if you don't you feel you can lose out as well.

Remember God gives us what we can handle. I know it doesn't always seem like it, but there is a silver lining.

Your health and family has to come first. If you needed the day for yourself today ...then that is the right thing to do, otherwise you probably wouldn't have been as productive. It is hard trying while feeling left out of the loop at work.

And you and "Big Daddy" are handling this well with your daughter by talking to her honestly. It may sting, but she should appreciate your honesty. Some things are just out of your control, and you just have to accept that.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!

Prim Blessin's,
Tina

NetBizSavvy said...

"Success is almost totally dependent upon drive and persistence. The extra energy required to make another effort or try another approach is the secret of winning."

Tomatoe Creek Prims said...

Hi Carrie,
Thanks for stopping by for a visit and your sweet comment.

I can totally identify with your job...my daughter manages a bank and has two girls ages 7&4 and is worried too about the job scene, she works for a big bank also. I honestly don't know how you two do it:)

Just take a deep breath that believe it or not does great for stress, I also think you have a fantastic husband to know how you feel and cares...what a blessing you have right there:)

Take care and really try to relax this weekend.
Rondell

Pam said...

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I can totally relate, when it gets like that for me I kind of shut down and nothing gets done. I will be praying for you. Hang in there this season can't last forever.
Love ya
Pam