Hi there!! I debated on posting this today for the fear of sounding like a broken record. But then I decided, that I need to just keep things real on this blog and be myself. And pray that you all love me just the same!! LOL!! Lately, I am not feeling it. I know that the other day I posted about how I just don't feel like there is enough time in the day, etc. And how whenever I am at work, I worry about home and vice versus. Well, it's not getting any better!! It is so bad that I called into work sick today just so I could try to gather my composure. I am sure some of my mood today is PMS but I just can't shake this feeling of inadequatecy.
I am not sure if mentioned it or not but I work for a Bank...a VERY large bank. Which, in turns means a VERY political Bank. One that at the moment is VERY stressful to work for. Well, a few months back our "big" boss was let go due to "cut backs" and let's just say he was our security blanket. He was in charge of several different sites throughout the country (probably managed well over 400 associates) and with him being based out of our site, somehow made us feel 'safe'. If there is such a thing...
Well, now with him being gone. They have placed somebody new over our department. And from what all of our bosses have said....that security blanket is now gone. Supposedly, she is really busting our managers chops over EVERYTHING!!! Rumor has it, she was placed over us to start 'weeding' people out. So the pressure is REALLY on!! And as the saying goes, it rolls downhill. So, guess it is really getting it!?!?! YEP!! Starting next week, we have to help get another department get "caught up" and meeting their goals. All the while, not meeting ours. But their solution is coming in on the weekends!! Are you freakin' kidding me!?!?!? I am there 10 hours a day M-F the way it is. And my weekends are even more hectic then my week days with grocery shopping, errands, catching up housework, etc. the way it is. Not only that, but what about my FAMILY!?!?!?!? But since we were pretty much told...do it or find another job. And like that is really going to happen with the economy the was it is...what choice do I have...really!?!?! UGGHHHH!!! Only if I could quit!!!!!!!!
So, on top of all of this pressure of work and the fear of losing jobs. I have the everyday pressures of being a working Mom of two teens and trying to stay on top of homework, housework, running errands, etc. And at the same time "Miss Priss" is supposed to be going to college this coming Fall. Well, months ago when all was fine and there was no fear of losing my job we promised her she could go to an University about an hour away and live in the dorm. But now, "Big Daddy" and I are considering just sending her to the local community college to get her generals out of the way and then letting her transferring (hopefully the economy will be MUCH better by then). But as we tried to talk to her about this last night, she got upset...VERY upset. So, one again I feel like a failure!!
Let's see...so far I am feeling like a failure at work and as a Mother. Now what...oh yeah, did I mention my house is a mess!?!? So, add housekeeper to that list!!
I know I am just being a whinny baby. And you all maybe thinking if I am so worried about my job, why did I call in?!?!? Or if the house is a mess, why am I blogging!?!?! I know me too...I can't explain it. All I know is I needed a "ME" day so bad!! And blogging, totally relaxes me. Helps me escape for 5 mins and totally unwind. Until, I get off the computer and reality hits me in the face. All I do know is that I am at a real crossroads. I have all of these hats to wear....an employee, a Mom, a wife, etc. And I feel like I am just barely scooting by lately at all of them.
I do feel a little bit better. "Big Daddy" came home for lunch. Something he never does...I think he is worried. I am not normally like this. Normally, I am the Queen of list and organization. So, for me to feel this overwhelemed with work and home...he knows something is up!! Anyway, while he was here we talked. And he told me not to think about everything all at the same time. To "baby step" thru it. To just take it as it is thrown at me. But when you feel that it is all being thrown at you at the same time...how do you manage all of it!?!?!?