Saturday, October 18, 2008

DIRTY LAUNDRY - WARNING!!!!!....lots of whining going on here!!!!

I am normally not a very negative person. Or one that likes to air all of my "dirty laundry" but considering I don't have many readers, I am sure it is OK to vent to myself! {{{BLUSH}}}

Today has just been one of those days. I am tired. Both physically and mentally. I just feel like here lately nothing I do is good enough. I bust my butt at work, yet I still feel very overwhelmed with the workload that I have. I constantly feel like my inbox is ALWAYS larger then my outbox.

Then I come home and look around at my messy, unorganized house wondering why my house was the only one on the block that got hit by the tornado. Only to find myself feeling overwhelmed once again during my day. Feeling so overwhelmed in fact that I ignore the mess, get online and look at all of your beautifully decorated and clean homes in blogland. Wishing mine was one of them...but feeling absolutely no motivation to do it.

And did I mention I am the Mother of TWO teenagers. A 17 and a 15 year old. I think this is where most of the disappointment within myself is stemming from lately. It just seems that here lately, the relationships between my kids, my husband and myself feels SO strained. And I am not even sure why. I know we are all busy with work and school...but that is NO excuse!! Not to mention this constant worry that I feel that in 10 months our daughter will be leaving for college and I want to make sure our relationship is on solid ground. Even though, I feel anything but that at the moment.

Not that I have terrible teens. They both are GREAT kids!! They both get awesome grades. They are both very responsible (other than around the house). And they both have big hearts (they are just hidden in those teenage egos at the moment). Nor is our relationship "tarnished" at all. I know deep down we all truly love one another but I guess I am feeling sorry for myself because I feel like they want to spend more time with their friends, etc. then with their Father or I. And that hurts.

We both try to do everything we can for them. But at times (especially a lot here lately) we are starting to feel a lack of respect or appreciation from either one of our teens. We are getting smarts mouths and disrespect. I know, I know...their are teenagers!!! BUT how much is too much?? When do you know things are getting too out of hand??

Don't get me wrong ...I LOVE MY KIDS WITH ALL OF MY HEART!!!!!!! I guess I just wish at times , I felt that they loved me back. That sounds really bad doesn't it??

I know I am the Mom. I am the adult. I should be wise enough to know they will someday out grow this...but when!?!?!?! I feel that I have limited time left with them before they leave to go to college, etc. and that I am running out of precious time with them. Does that make sense??

I know I am probably just feeling sorry for myself. Woe is me!! That or I am PMSing!! Honestly, probably a little of BOTH!!!! But I just feel that I have all of this hats to wear...a wife, a Mother, etc. and I am not doing very well at any of them. That I am just "getting by" in all of the roles . And that makes me sad....

But then I sit here and feel bad or guilty for even complaining. I have a this time of economic crisis. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and our children. I have a beautiful home (even though it is a pigsty at the moment) and even though I haven't been feelin' the love. I know that my kids do love me and appreciate me. But somedays, I just need a hug too!!!!!

So with saying all this...I ask all of you Moms. How do you handle all of your roles? How do you balance work and home? Do you ever feel even thru all of your attempts to get your juggling act going, at any moment you are ready to drop one of the balls??

Any advice or suggestions welcome...the way I see it, us Moms have to stick together. Because I don't know about you but I never got the instruction book!! LOL!!


Carrie said...

I could have wrote your post I have a 15 year old and 12 year old I completely understand where you are coming from I wish I could be more helpful! But just know you are not alone!

Scrapper Mom said...

oh yes, does this ever make sense. Like Carrie, I could have totally written this post. Hearing that I'm not the only one feeling this way....or having a unappreciative, never wants to be at home much less hug me, teenager, makes me feel more like it's NORMAL. I don't, however have any advice for you, but I will be checking in on your comments to hear what others say. lol.