Tuesdays Thoughts

Hey there ladies!! Just wanted to stop by and tell all of you THANKS for all of the warm and caring comments you all left regarding my job. Things have been a little bit better. My supervisor has been trying to be nice lately, even though I am 110% sure it is more for other's benefit than mine. But heck, I will take what I can get!! LOL!!

I have decided that I am going to start looking for something else. Which, I am nervous about but I think it is a choice I need to make. Granted, I don't know how I feel about giving up my 4 weeks of vacation, etc. But sometimes, your happiness is worth it.

It still amazes me how many double standards there are out in the corporate world. As some of you may know, I work downtown St. Louis and with the All Star Game being held in St. Louis this year, things around my work building have been absolutely CRAZY the past few days. But it is funny that "the supervisor" has "snuck out" of work everyday this week so him and "the girlfriend" can join in all of the All Star festivities but yet nothing was said to him but yet we all have had to stay until our normal times and then sit in traffic for an hour more than normal.

Oh well, I have been doing so much "soul searching" the past few weeks and I have decided that I am not going to be negative anymore. That place is not worth my health. And ever since the other week, I have felt this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. And I have decided that I need to just start enjoying my life. That I am going to start trying to have a more positive attitude and not dwell on the negative.

Do any of you ever feel this way? That you are letting the negative things in life bring you down entirely too much? And if so, what do you do to stop yourself and start seeing the good in life?

Calgon Take Me Away!! Advice Needed....(again)!!

OH.MY.GOODNESS, girls!! Where to start!?!? So, much has happened since I last posted. I have done a little tweaking in the house, we finished the Koi pond and we had a Graduation party for "Miss Priss". Which I will be showing pics of all later. But this post is to vent, or maybe get some advice...not quite sure which.

Let me just start about two days ago when I was called into a meeting with my immediate supervisor, who let's just say is a complete JERK!!!!! I am not even exaggerating....let me put it this way, this is a man who was recently caught having an affair with his wife's best friend and who he has since left the wife (and two children I might add) for!! Not to mention who actually went on a family vacation with his family and the wife's best friend's family all the while the two of them were having an affair!!

Needless to say, this man has absolutely NO respect for woman...NONE whats so ever!! So, during our meeting he started getting very disrespectful towards me for no apparent reason, so I LOST it!!! I have worked for this company for 12 years and I have been in this same department for 11 of those 12. And I have NEVER been so mad. I actually told him that I QUIT and I walked out!! I got to my desk threw my security pass on my desk and told my co-workers that I QUIT!!

Of course, as soon as I got the parking garage and in my car I started BALLING!! I knew that I had made a major mistake but at the same time felt a great sense of relief! Not that I am the type of person to have ever done that but between work and home I guess I was at a major breaking point! As you are all aware of, my job is a HUGE source of my stress!! And my supervisor totally disrespecting me was the straw that broke the camel's back!!

The rest of that afternoon and evening I received several phone calls from co-workers, etc. asking me to reconsider and to come back. So, I did. Even after "Big Daddy" suggested that I take a month or two off of work and then try to look for something else. That he knew my job made me very unhappy lately and that he would support my decision 110%

Anyway, I went in yesterday and had a "formal" sit down with the immediate supervisor and both of our manager per their request. And let me say, it did not go well at all. Our manager was very compassionate and understanding but my supervisor was a complete A%$ He was actually yelling at me so loud that most of my co-workers heard and we were behind closed doors. But yet, I was the one that got a written warning for MY behavior (basically walking out the day before).

I will admit that I got so upset that I probably said a few things that I shouldn't of but I had had enough. But the way I see it, I am a human being and no matter if you are my friend, boss, etc. I still think you should show me some respect. And I will do the same....

Anyway, I guess this is where the advice comes in...I still have my job (thank goodness) but at the moment, I feel like I have very little self pride because I did go back!! So, if you all were in my shoes, would you tuck your tail between your legs, stay and just be thankful you have a job in these trying times?!?!? Or would you decide that your stress level, happiness and self-pride was more important and start to look for something else?!?!?

Hello

Sorry, I haven't been around much lately...but I think the above pic says it all!!!!!

Please tell me that I am not the only one feeling stressed lately. I am sure with the economy being the way it is we are all feeling it's effects.

Even though my husband and I both have full-time jobs outside of the home, we are still feeling the stress of these trying times. Everyday, we both pray that we will continue to have jobs.

Not to mention, all of the other stresses I have been feeling lately. You know the ones that we as Woman, Wives and Moms all feel on a daily basis.

So with this I ask you all...what do you all do to try to relieve some of your stress? Do you all read? craft? keep a journal?

Are You A Mean Mom!?!?!

I received this poem today in an email and I thought it was very fitting being a Mother of TWO teens...

To all you Mean Mom's.

Someday when my children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will
tell them, as my Mean Mom told me: I loved you
enough to ask where you were going, with whom,
and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you
discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to make you go pay for the
bubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, "I
stole this yesterday and want to pay for it."

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours
while you cleaned your room, a job that should have
taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger,
disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must
learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the
responsibility for your actions even when the
penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say
NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm
glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates parents, you
will tell them.

Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the
meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids
ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal,
eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a
Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you
can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was
different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all
times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She
had to know who our friends were, and what we were
doing with them. She insisted that if we said we
would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an
hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve
to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We
had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to
cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash
and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie
awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the
whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time
we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had
eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really
tough!

Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn
when they drove up. They had to come up to the door
so she could meet them. While everyone else could
date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until
we were 16.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of
things other kids experienced. None of us have ever
been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's
property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all
her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated,
honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean
parents just like Mom was.

I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean moms!

Feeling Blue...

Hi there!! I debated on posting this today for the fear of sounding like a broken record. But then I decided, that I need to just keep things real on this blog and be myself. And pray that you all love me just the same!! LOL!! Lately, I am not feeling it. I know that the other day I posted about how I just don't feel like there is enough time in the day, etc. And how whenever I am at work, I worry about home and vice versus. Well, it's not getting any better!! It is so bad that I called into work sick today just so I could try to gather my composure. I am sure some of my mood today is PMS but I just can't shake this feeling of inadequatecy.


I am not sure if mentioned it or not but I work for a Bank...a VERY large bank. Which, in turns means a VERY political Bank. One that at the moment is VERY stressful to work for. Well, a few months back our "big" boss was let go due to "cut backs" and let's just say he was our security blanket. He was in charge of several different sites throughout the country (probably managed well over 400 associates) and with him being based out of our site, somehow made us feel 'safe'. If there is such a thing...


Well, now with him being gone. They have placed somebody new over our department. And from what all of our bosses have said....that security blanket is now gone. Supposedly, she is really busting our managers chops over EVERYTHING!!! Rumor has it, she was placed over us to start 'weeding' people out. So the pressure is REALLY on!! And as the saying goes, it rolls downhill. So, guess it is really getting it!?!?! YEP!! Starting next week, we have to help get another department get "caught up" and meeting their goals. All the while, not meeting ours. But their solution is coming in on the weekends!! Are you freakin' kidding me!?!?!? I am there 10 hours a day M-F the way it is. And my weekends are even more hectic then my week days with grocery shopping, errands, catching up housework, etc. the way it is. Not only that, but what about my FAMILY!?!?!?!? But since we were pretty much told...do it or find another job. And like that is really going to happen with the economy the was it is...what choice do I have...really!?!?! UGGHHHH!!! Only if I could quit!!!!!!!!

So, on top of all of this pressure of work and the fear of losing jobs. I have the everyday pressures of being a working Mom of two teens and trying to stay on top of homework, housework, running errands, etc. And at the same time "Miss Priss" is supposed to be going to college this coming Fall. Well, months ago when all was fine and there was no fear of losing my job we promised her she could go to an University about an hour away and live in the dorm. But now, "Big Daddy" and I are considering just sending her to the local community college to get her generals out of the way and then letting her transferring (hopefully the economy will be MUCH better by then). But as we tried to talk to her about this last night, she got upset...VERY upset. So, one again I feel like a failure!!


Let's see...so far I am feeling like a failure at work and as a Mother. Now what...oh yeah, did I mention my house is a mess!?!? So, add housekeeper to that list!!


I know I am just being a whinny baby. And you all maybe thinking if I am so worried about my job, why did I call in?!?!? Or if the house is a mess, why am I blogging!?!?! I know me too...I can't explain it. All I know is I needed a "ME" day so bad!! And blogging, totally relaxes me. Helps me escape for 5 mins and totally unwind. Until, I get off the computer and reality hits me in the face. All I do know is that I am at a real crossroads. I have all of these hats to wear....an employee, a Mom, a wife, etc. And I feel like I am just barely scooting by lately at all of them.


I do feel a little bit better. "Big Daddy" came home for lunch. Something he never does...I think he is worried. I am not normally like this. Normally, I am the Queen of list and organization. So, for me to feel this overwhelemed with work and home...he knows something is up!! Anyway, while he was here we talked. And he told me not to think about everything all at the same time. To "baby step" thru it. To just take it as it is thrown at me. But when you feel that it is all being thrown at you at the same time...how do you manage all of it!?!?!?

Too much to do and.....

First of all, I just wanted to thank you girls for all the sweet comments on yesterdays post. "Miss Priss" had the time of her life. She said it was exactly how she wished it would be. Even though, I get teared up at the thought of her having a "serious" boyfriend. I have to admit the BF is very sweet to her!! And she had a good time, so that is all that matters!!

She even said that while at dinner she had a Mom come up to her and ask her if she could give her daughter an autograph. I guess there was a little girl at the restaurant that thought Katelyn was a REAL Princess!! LOL!! Needless to say, she gave the autograph and was VERY flattered!!

As I am typing this, I am at work. And I NEVER post from work but at the moment I need to vent. I am feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. UGGHHH!!! Do you all ever feel like you have too much to do and not enough time to do it all!?!?! Well, that is EXACTLY how I am feeling today.

Being a Mom that works outside of the home, I constantly feel like there is not enough time in the day. When I am here at work, I worry about home and vice versus. And with so much happening right now, I feel like I am drowning. With the kids upcoming activites (Prom, Math competition, Graduation, Graduation party to plan, etc.) and trying to go camping to get our $$$ worth with the camper we just bought, work, housework, a Bunco night that I am supposed to be hosting, etc. Oh yeah, and a upcoming yardsale we are having I am OVERWHELMED!! And my housework is definitely suffering. I even made a "chore list" to try to stay on top of the cleaning, laundry, etc. but I still feel like I am not doing something right.

I wish I could spend sometime crafting and decorating but lately I am lucky if we all have clean socks (much less unmatched socks...LOL!!)to wear!! LOL!!

Take this weekend for instance, Saturday was spent all day running for Prom, Sunday we cleaned out the attic to get things ready for the upcoming yardsale. And before I knew it my alarm clock was going off at 5:15am this morning and another work week was beginning.

I know it will all calm down soon, but I just wish I had some breathing room...or better yet, a "ME" day!!

Awww....Calgon take me away!! LOL!! Only if it was the easy!!

So, I ask this...what is your "secrets"? How do you all find the balance between work and home? How do you all make sure that you devote all the QT to your family as you should but yet still have the time to blog, craft, etc.?

Loonnngggg Day!!

Due to a LONG first day back to work from our mini-vacay and a very bad headache I'll be back tomorrow!!

Calling All Moms....

Calling all Moms, Calling all Moms...I need your help please!!

As Spring is fast approaching, and the weather is getting so nice that we all rather spend our weekends outside doing all the fun things that we all enjoy. Whether that be bike riding, camping, etc. I find myself STRESSING out over the ever so dreaded thing we all call chores.

You see, in the Winter...I don't mind so much being cooped up inside my warm and cozy house doing laundry or making a nice big pot of yummy chili. But as the weather gets warmer, I absolutely HATE spending my weekends cooking, cleaning and doing laundry.

So my question to all of you is what is your "routine"? Do you have a certain "chore list", if you will, that you all follow thru the week so that your weekends are free to what you like? What are your "tips" for being "Superwomen" and staying on top of it all!?!?

Snowed In!?!?!?

This is what is going on outside as I type. Snow, snow and more snow!! And it is OK by me. Normally, I would welcome snow only on the weekends. Praying that it doesn't come during the work week and that I don't have to drive in the mess during rush hour traffic on my commute to work. But since I took a vacation day tomorrow, I am all for the snow. The more the better!!

The way I see it, being snowed in will give me (and hopefully the kids too) the excuse to stay home tomorrow, spend some together and just hang out!!

I seriously don't know what has been up with me lately. It just seems like it has been getting harder and harder to get up and go to work each morning. And all I can think about it how I wish I could be a stay at home Mom. And not have to work outside of the home. But as some of you may know, that just isn't possible at the moment. You see, about 6 years ago my husband got injured at work. His leg was broken and his ankle crushed.

Since then, he has endured 16 surgeries, with more to come. But about 3-4 months ago he was finally released from the doctor to go back to work after being home on Workmen's Compensation and Disabilty for almost 6 years. A LONG time!! And even though, this has been a huge blessing, "Big Daddy" and myself both know that this may be short-lived and the reality of his leg not holding up is a big possibilty!!

So the idea of me quiting my job and staying home is just not going to happen anytime soon. Not to mention the fact that I do have a decent job, especially in these trying economic times. So I really should be appreciative!! But I still can't help but to wish that I could stay home and take care of my family the way they really should be.

Not saying that us working Mom's can't take care of our families properly. But as all of us Moms know, whether we work outside of the home or within, taking care of our families can be both physically and emotionally tiring. Not that it isn't worth EVERY moment of it but sometimes I just wish I had the time and energy to give my home and family 110% that they deserve instead of worrying about work while I am at home and vice versa. Does this make sense? Or am I just a rambling mess?

Anyway, for all of you Moms that may or not be snowed in within the next couple days. Make some cocoa, snuggle up to a kid or two and savor those moments. And just remember, we are all in this together!!

Hugs!! Carrie♥

Mental Health Day

Have you ever had those days where you just needed a "Mental Health" Day!?!?!? Well, today I bit the bullet and took one. Hopefully, my boss won't read this...LOL!! I think I am pretty safe!!

Seriously, I know I haven't explained our whole story in detail but I haven't had a day alone in my house for years!! I'm not even kidding...you see, up until about a month and a 1/2 ago, my husband had been home on Workman's Compensation due to an injury he endured almost SIX years ago!!

So, when I woke up this morning and realized that the kids where headed to school and "Big Daddy" was headed to work, I decided today was THE day!!Even though now my guilt is getting the best of me...Oh well, I think I will get over it!!

This is an example of some of the things I have been doing (or should I said NOT doing...hehe!) today.